I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
