haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
