he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
My ATM looks so different sober.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
