Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
