we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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