Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My liver is preforming stress tests.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
