Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
