You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
