so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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