I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
