I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
