is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My ass is underappreciated
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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