Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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