but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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