it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
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I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
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I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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