M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
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Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
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She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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