You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
