You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
