I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
