Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize