I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
they need to just BURY HIM!
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
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