I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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