this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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