i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Found your dick twin last night
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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