Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
