whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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