i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
