Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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