What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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