I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
