Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
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