Screwed.edu
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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