He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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