Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
