So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I don't deserve a penis
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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