I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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