remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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