I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
