How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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