They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
