haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
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Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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