Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
