Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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