now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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