he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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