hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
