Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
