I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
