i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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