if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
