Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I have aggressive nipples.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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