I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
