Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
