Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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