so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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