weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
