I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
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Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
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Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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