Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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