i love accidental penises.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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