if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
