His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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