Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
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