I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
