Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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