He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
