The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
