i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
