dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
