your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
