I want to stick my p in your. b.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
