if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize