I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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