I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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