Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
