Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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