Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
