Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
