I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
