so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
